Mostly Accurate Schedule of Events

Friday, August 31 12ish-7pm Registration at Ash Street Saloon (225 SW Ash St) 7pm Drew's Welcoming Alleycat. Begins at Ash St. ends at the Florida Room (435 N Killingsworth St). No frills and straightforward. 10ish The infamous Strip Club Classic the Sequel put on by Sean and folks. Ride around to a bunch of strip clubs and get the naked ladies to sign your manifest. Ends at the even more infamous Union Jack (938 E Burnside St). For those who don't want to ride to strip clubs, just stay and drink at the Florida Room.

Saturday, September 1 10am Breakfast will be served at the Alpenrose Velodrome (6149 SW Shattuck Rd). Velodrome racers are encouraged and implored to show up early and take some laps being that Alpenrose is not your average track (them walls are steep brah). Helmets, drop bars, BAR END PLUGS, etc. all required. There will also be rental bikes available for $5. Tentative race events include : Miss-and-out, Scratch, Points, Kieren, with a possibility of Match Sprints Also, to make sure it is announced well in advance! There is absolutely no alcohol allowed at Alpenrose. There will be a zero tolerance approach to this as we can not afford to screw up with this one. Never fear though my friends, we have gotten a permit to have a BBQ and drink at a park located not too far away. So everyone not racing can drink over there. Please help us with this and plan on heading to Gabriel Park if you are going to be drinking! around noon (simultaneous with the track racing) BBQ and wacky antics over at Pendleton Park (5300 SW Iowa St). Did someone say beer bungie? How about grass polo? Any other bright ideas are also welcome. 8pmish (following the track racing) Foosball tourney and party at the Mill Street House. Also we will try and do track skids that night as well. 12am Beefa's "Hell of the Southeast" Criterium race down under the Burnside. I think it's 2 neutral laps with 6 race laps and a shit ton of ticki torches lighting the way. Get ready for some uphill cobblestone sprints and/or mayhem. P.S: Helmets will be required at this one as it is a rather rough course and I am also warning folks with little to no bike handling skills that they should go ahead and sit this one out. If you don't feel comfy riding in a pack of racers around sharp corners over choppy streets then don't even bother.

Sunday, September 2 (*¡C Murder's Birthday!*) 10am Tod D Danger's Hazel & C Murder's CoffeeCat. Drink coffee, ride your bike, puke, repeat. Ends at Alberta Park (NE 22nd Ave & Killingsworth St) 12ish (following the alleycat) Alberta Park. BBQing and side events with a Tag Team alleycat put on by Hazel HoZo and Joel Metz(so you better start wishing for a friend cause it takes two people to ride this race). Side events will be run of the mill kinds (stands, footdown, etc.) with some stupid ones as well (wood chip jogging path time trials, egg and spoon relays, slow race, and I'm thinking of renting a dunk tank and putting Rob Murder in there to heckle folks). 8ish Group ride to the Plan B [formerly Acme] (1305 SE 8th) for the awards show starring: Me! drunk with a microphone and a bunch of prizes.

Monday, September 3 10am SHARP West Side Polo Invite. Single elimination, winner takes all, "stop bitching and throw your own damn tourney if you don't like it" style tournament. Winning team will take home the three brand new "champeen" belts made by PUMA's resident artisan beltmaker, Dr. Doom. Be there on time for sign up (seriously). Also, there will be a $5 per team entry fee. 12ish Talk of a possible alternate event for those who don't care about polo. Though, there will be entertaining fighting at the tourney and of course BBQ and beer so that is something to consider.